Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
