I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
