look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
