I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
