I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
