Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
