just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just want nice things and good sex
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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