If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
