Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
