I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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