i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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