im having a threesome with these popsicles
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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