Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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