All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I wish there were birth control emojis
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
