i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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