wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
now i know why i became what i already was.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
