Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
i've created a new STD.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I think people are normalizing furries
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
