i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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