Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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