I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
