he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
