so explain again why im purple
no
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
