I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
me + whiskey = a bad person
It's rum buckets o'clock
Randomize
