He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
