Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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