I am puke
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You are the jesus of drinking
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
