i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
