found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
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