I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
