Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
