I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
