She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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