her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
