Already got asked if we're dating
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
