Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
