Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
