I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
