At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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