alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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