I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
