I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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