There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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