there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
