My cat gives me a boner
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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