some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
