Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
