just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Randomize
