Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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