Kiss
Puke
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
