I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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