Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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