whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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