Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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