fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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