do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
